Archive for the Stories of True Love Category

Parminder Nagra :)

Posted in Stories of True Love on December 28, 2008 by darbydale

If only to wake Lindendale from his holiday slumber, I’m throwing out the following observation:  Parminder Nagra pwns Natalie Portman:

Here is her acceptance of the honorary degree from University of Leicester.  She seems so pleased to receive the honor that it seems a little cruel to mention that her acceptance speech blows:

Christmas is Ruined, Part 2

Posted in Christmas is Ruined, Culture, Kids, Stories of True Love with tags , on December 8, 2008 by lindendale

Here in Milwaukee, 99.1 WMYX has been playing nothing but Christmas music since before Thanksgiving.  Because I have a young son who is very much in the Christmas spirit, I have it on whenever we are in the car together.  Because I want to be a good father and not ruin Christmas, I refrain from giving voice to the running commentary in my head. For example, I think:

  • This Trans-Siberian Orchestra tune sounds like a Metallica cover band playing the Precious Memories company party in Branson, Missouri.

  • I fucking hate key changes.  It doesn’t make the song more dynamic.  It is a clear sign that you have no imagination and your song blows.

  • “Christmas Shoes”  Oh my god, this may be the worst Christmas song of all time.  If I had an online dictionary, for the word treacle, it would simply say “See ‘Christmas Shoes.'”  Let me summarize: kid who doesn’t have enough money wants to get his dying mother some nice shoes so she can look good for Jesus when she dies.  I am not falling for that shit. Get away from my heart strings with that bathos.  FUCK YOU KID! 

Oh my god, I just discovered that it is also a book and a TV movie, featuring Rob Lowe.  Here it is, because I like to make people vomit eggnog:

It is by sheer will that I have not driven my car head-first into a tree.

Don’t Feed the Bears

Posted in Stories of True Love on December 4, 2008 by darbydale

It probably isn’t reasonable for me to expect to micromanage your daily activities.  Still, I can make suggestions.  Here’s one:

STOP GIVING FREE CRAP TO ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE

They don’t need free coffee at Starbucks.  They don’t need you to tell them how nice they look.  They are not one nice gesture away from fucking you.

Find somebody who is unattractive or withdrawn and give them free coffee.  Sure, there is a 15% chance they’ll stalk you.  But you know what?  They are giving you something in return for your effort.

The attractive woman you held the door for at the mall this afternoon?  You aren’t going to find her, later tonight, peering into the window of your duplex, covered in smeared clown makeup.

Seriously, the next time you are about to make small talk with an attractive woman in line, don’t.   She’s standing beside you because of a societal convention related to turn-taking.  Talk to the elderly woman who’s terrified to be out in public, but needs food for her cats.

This Blog Smells Like Ass and Death*

Posted in Culture, Stories of True Love with tags , on April 3, 2008 by lindendale

Dudes,

I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but this blog is quickly decomposing like an abandoned wombat carcass. It’s tax season though, and Paul’s on one of his month-long drunks, so what are you going to do?

This is going to get us back on track, because that’s what friends are for:

Worst Karaoke Session Ever – Watch more free videos

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*”Ass and death” credit to Jeff D.

Misogyny, for the win.

Posted in Stories of True Love on March 11, 2008 by darbydale

Ok, sometimes you come across a piece of art that just moves you.  If I can assure you of one thing, it is that this is much better with the music:http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/plies/shawty.html