Archive for the Kids Category

Admit it: Santa is objectively terrifying

Posted in Christmas is Ruined, Horror, Kids on December 23, 2008 by paulbibeau

It’s not some phobia from when you were young.  It’s not that kids are skittish around strangers.  He’s just really, really scary. 

Just look at this bastard.  If I saw that crawling out of my fireplace I’d start whacking it with a poker, and I wouldn’t stop until it was a wet, unrecognizable mess.  Seriously.  Close the flue.


The Facts of Life

Posted in Christmas is Ruined, Horror, Kids, Tootie on December 22, 2008 by paulbibeau

Four teenage girls and an old woman give a concert in a large prison cafeteria surrounded by convicts with no armed guards in sight. What could possibly go wrong? I challenge you to watch the whole clip without imagining scenes of unspeakable horror. (I found this at, which is a site devoted to scary childhood toys, games, and TV shows).

Christmas is Ruined, Part 2

Posted in Christmas is Ruined, Culture, Kids, Stories of True Love with tags , on December 8, 2008 by lindendale

Here in Milwaukee, 99.1 WMYX has been playing nothing but Christmas music since before Thanksgiving.  Because I have a young son who is very much in the Christmas spirit, I have it on whenever we are in the car together.  Because I want to be a good father and not ruin Christmas, I refrain from giving voice to the running commentary in my head. For example, I think:

  • This Trans-Siberian Orchestra tune sounds like a Metallica cover band playing the Precious Memories company party in Branson, Missouri.

  • I fucking hate key changes.  It doesn’t make the song more dynamic.  It is a clear sign that you have no imagination and your song blows.

  • “Christmas Shoes”  Oh my god, this may be the worst Christmas song of all time.  If I had an online dictionary, for the word treacle, it would simply say “See ‘Christmas Shoes.'”  Let me summarize: kid who doesn’t have enough money wants to get his dying mother some nice shoes so she can look good for Jesus when she dies.  I am not falling for that shit. Get away from my heart strings with that bathos.  FUCK YOU KID! 

Oh my god, I just discovered that it is also a book and a TV movie, featuring Rob Lowe.  Here it is, because I like to make people vomit eggnog:

It is by sheer will that I have not driven my car head-first into a tree.

Cheney Likes the Nekkid Ladies!

Posted in Genius, Kids, Sports on April 10, 2008 by lindendale

Jonesy (you know him, you love him) pointed me to this picture, straight from the White House website. The picture is of Dick from a fly-fishing trip on the Snake River in Idaho. I think I know why he is smiling!

Take a close look at those reflective shades. Yup, that looks like a naked woman to me too. She probably just seductively removed her SS prison guard uniform. Achtung!

On a side note, I don’t want to see our government leaders enjoying some nice R & R. Gee, I wonder if that trip on Air Force 2 was at tax-payer expense? Of course it was. Get back to work ya bastard! Or die. Either way.

Super Dooper Fabulous Tuesday

Posted in Kids, Politics on February 5, 2008 by lindendale

Yeah, that’s today. Although I have a fringe stake in the process, I’m not going to even watch the results tonight. Too much noise. People will be making crazy speculations with only 3% of precincts reporting. It won’t be over after today for the Dems anyway. Don’t let me turn on MSNBC!

Plus, we have some episodes of Medium on DVD to return before our subscription to Blockbuster Total Access ends. I fired their whack asses. We’re going with Netflix now, and so far so good.

Medium is really good by the way. The presentation of family life is the most realistic of any show I watch, which is pretty impressive given that multiple members of the family have psychic “sensitivities” and given the fact that I also watch the family across the street with my son’s telescope.

This is a picture of Maria Lark who plays the middle daughter, Bridgette DuBois.  She is off the chart weird, but they just roll with it.  I’m talking about the character, but I would guess it applies to the kid as well.


In case you hadn’t heard, the word on the street is that Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon are an item:

Kids Learn to Flatter Around Age 4

Posted in Kids, social science on January 29, 2008 by lindendale


This news is from the University of Toronto Magazine:

Parents cajole their children to always tell the truth, overlooking the fact that flattery – along with showing modesty, agreeing with another’s views and telling white lies – is an important social skill that social psychologists dub “ingratiation behaviour.”

Kang Lee, professor and director of the Institute of Child Study at OISE, has been conducting some of the first studies of the emergence of flattery in children. It is a natural area of interest for Lee, who has been researching the development of lie-telling in children for the past decade. In a study published in Developmental Science, Lee and his colleague Genyue Fu of Zhejiang Normal University in China reveal much about when and how children first use flattery. They asked a group of preschool children ages 3 to 6 to rate drawings by children and adults they knew, as well as strangers. The preschoolers judged the artwork both when the artist was present, and when he or she was absent. The three-year-olds were completely honest, and remained consistent in their ratings; it didn’t matter who drew it, or whether the person was in the room. Five- and six-year-olds gave more flattering ratings when the artist was in front of them. They flattered both strangers and those they knew (although familiar people got a higher dose of praise). Among the four-year-olds, half the group displayed flattery while the other half did not. This supports the idea that age four is a key transitional period in children’s social understanding of the world.

Lee suggests adults flatter for two reasons. It can be to show gratitude for some positive action in the past. As well, when they’re meeting someone for first time – someone who may turn out to be important for their advancement down the road – flattery is also used as an investment for future favourable treatment from the person. “We don’t know which the child is doing,” says Lee. However, the fact that the older children flattered strangers as well as familiar people suggests “they are thinking ahead, they are making these little social investments for future benefits.”


My son (age 5) says that I am the best Dada in the whole world. That shitz legitz.