Archive for the Culture Category

The Supergroup Curse

Posted in Culture, Horror with tags , on January 3, 2009 by paulbibeau

This is from the 1963 film The Raven, based on some of the work by Edgar Allan Poe with a screenplay written by Richard Matheson, the guy who wrote the novel I Am Legend.  The movie features Boris Karloff, Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, and Jack Friggin’ Nicholson.

And yet just seeing this clip makes you realize that the movie sucks worse than watching Godfather III while getting repeatedly kicked in the groin.  How can this many stars get together and produce something that makes you give up on life?  The supergroup curse: the same thing that doomed Toto.  Like  spontaneous human combustion and the existence of the Irish, you can’t believe it’s real.  But it is.

In related news, I’ve updated my blog with a photo of Edgar’s room at UVA, and a citation from the CDC about how some scientists want to name a strain of disease Ebola-Poe.   Plus other cool stuff.

An inspiration to us all

Posted in Culture, Genius, Uncategorized with tags on January 2, 2009 by paulbibeau

Here is a link to The Hives’ video (embedding was disabled).  And the best part of it is the bassist at 2:09 . 

He’s older, and he’s not an attractive man.  He has a moustache that would make Ron Jeremy weep with shame.  He looks like the band’s accountant.  But he takes the phrase “owning it” to a magical place it’s never been before.  My hat’s off to you, you chunky Swedish bastard.  You give us hope.  You may be the coolest bassist since Sting utterly betrayed that trust with his Lite Jazz and car commercials.  Thank you for keeping the dream alive.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsm2hSKkH7E

Christmas is Ruined, Part 2

Posted in Christmas is Ruined, Culture, Kids, Stories of True Love with tags , on December 8, 2008 by lindendale

Here in Milwaukee, 99.1 WMYX has been playing nothing but Christmas music since before Thanksgiving.  Because I have a young son who is very much in the Christmas spirit, I have it on whenever we are in the car together.  Because I want to be a good father and not ruin Christmas, I refrain from giving voice to the running commentary in my head. For example, I think:

  • This Trans-Siberian Orchestra tune sounds like a Metallica cover band playing the Precious Memories company party in Branson, Missouri.

  • I fucking hate key changes.  It doesn’t make the song more dynamic.  It is a clear sign that you have no imagination and your song blows.

  • “Christmas Shoes”  Oh my god, this may be the worst Christmas song of all time.  If I had an online dictionary, for the word treacle, it would simply say “See ‘Christmas Shoes.'”  Let me summarize: kid who doesn’t have enough money wants to get his dying mother some nice shoes so she can look good for Jesus when she dies.  I am not falling for that shit. Get away from my heart strings with that bathos.  FUCK YOU KID! 

Oh my god, I just discovered that it is also a book and a TV movie, featuring Rob Lowe.  Here it is, because I like to make people vomit eggnog:

It is by sheer will that I have not driven my car head-first into a tree.

Door Buster Savings ! ! ! (Christmas is Ruined, Part 1)

Posted in Christmas is Ruined, Culture, Horror, Violence on December 5, 2008 by lindendale

I don’t know why it always comes back to zombies.  It doesn’t.  Okay, this time it does.

Long Island Man Killed During Shopping Frenzy.

By 4:55, with no police officers in sight, the crowd of more than 2,000 had become a rabble, and could be held back no longer. Fists banged and shoulders pressed on the sliding-glass double doors, which bowed in with the weight of the assault. Six to 10 workers inside tried to push back, but it was hopeless.

Suddenly, witnesses and the police said, the doors shattered, and the shrieking mob surged through in a blind rush for holiday bargains. One worker, Jdimytai Damour, 34, was thrown back onto the black linoleum tiles and trampled in the stampede that streamed over and around him. Others who had stood alongside Mr. Damour trying to hold the doors were also hurled back and run over, witnesses said.

This poor fucker was trampled to death by a crowd of shoppers.  Merry Fucking Christmas.  Why the hurry?  Stop and eat his brain too.

Here’s some news footage of the incident:

Lesson: shop online.

John Mayer is My Hero

Posted in Culture, Genius with tags , on May 2, 2008 by lindendale

If I were a celebrity — okay, a bigger celebrity — I hope that I would comport myself the way that John Mayer has.  I am not a fan of his music, although that very first single was quite good, but  I have nothing but admiration for him as a Famous Person.  He posted the following to his blog yesterday:

Today I set off on my newest project; to grow and maintain an authentic ’80s style feathered haircut. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for some time and I’m very excited to bring this amazing look into today’s pop culture landscape. The feathered cut projects an attitude of ease and quiet confidence that seems to have all but eluded our generation.
This is a work in progress, and as my hair grows longer it will serve to become a more stirring and poignant statement.

Some people squander their celebrity, but Mr. Mayer is clearly seeing the big picture.  Plus, how many hot babes has he scored with?  I think he has a list.

This Blog Smells Like Ass and Death*

Posted in Culture, Stories of True Love with tags , on April 3, 2008 by lindendale

Dudes,

I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but this blog is quickly decomposing like an abandoned wombat carcass. It’s tax season though, and Paul’s on one of his month-long drunks, so what are you going to do?

This is going to get us back on track, because that’s what friends are for:

Worst Karaoke Session Ever – Watch more free videos

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*”Ass and death” credit to Jeff D.

This is What the Internet is All About

Posted in Culture, Genius, Technology with tags , , on February 29, 2008 by lindendale

Ladies and gentlemen. I give you “The Mall Ninja.”

This is a collection of posts by the elusive Gecko45 lovingly curated by the folks at Lonely Machines. A sample:

Gecko45 writes:

quote:Originally posted by SPECOPS:
I don’t claim to be a “tough guy”, but I have earned respect from my co-workers in a “tough” field. You guys are the ones that jumped on Gecko for wanting a good duty gun, now who are the tough guys behind the keyboards???

I agree wholeheartedly, why must every remonstration to remain a law-abiding citizen, so that we do not find it necessary to take you out, be seen as a threat. If a kid picks up a candy bar and runs, you give him a warning before you cuff him. Same with those mindless teenyboppers who go to the Hickory Farms store, and then take double samples of fruitcake and cheeselog, you warn them that they will be charged with a felony(grand theft), and that if they attempt to fight and run, they will be, unfortunately, first tazered, and if they continue to resist violently with intent to maim, then wounded. Fortunately, wounding fire to suppress teenage kleptomaniacs is relatively easy, they all run in straight lines, and a hit in the knee will be relatively simple from the second floor. But they all get a warning first, we do not simply shoot shoplifters unless they resist violently. Buttstroking those who attempt to injure me is another story. Consider this your warning, HKsissy, because we’ll aim for center if you get dangerous or violent on our patrols. You do not understand how difficult our job is, or you would be grateful for this warning you have been given-whether you are on SPECOPS’s turf, or on mine, you will not repeat not act up with iniquity.

Here’s some more:

PRK writes:

You guys laugh. Mall security saved my tender butt. Mom let me go to the men’s room aloen. The guy from electronics came in. He lured me into the stall. I hadn’t seen a Gameboy before. These two guys came right in with no warning. They dragged him off. Years laater I figured this out. I could of been a victim.


SPECOPS writes:Thanks to all that have been supporting us here on this board. Your kind comments and genuine appreciation almost bring tears to my eyes. I especially want to thank the little boy who wrote about his tramatic experience in that men’s bathroom. It took a lot of guts to talk about that on a public forum. You are a brave, brave person. You appear to have what it takes for a career in my field, please contact me when you are 18, I can get you in started on a high intensity training program and hopefully get you started as an apprentice by the age of 21.Unfortunately I can not take credit for your courageous story. There are many stories like yours, I have personally saved the ass-virginity of several young boys in my days. But there are many brave men like myself out there who risk their lives daily, so that boys like yourself can live a normal heterosexual life.

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This reminds me of a blog that dates back to 1997 (before they were called blogs and were just websites) that a guy kept about his Redneck Neighbor. I think he did it to keep from either killing himself or his neighbor. Very funny.