Archive for the Coffee Category

If you don’t use this, you’re an idiot.

Posted in Benjamins, Coffee, Genius, Technology with tags , on December 18, 2008 by lindendale
Do the right thing.

Do the right thing.

Bounty paper towels are the shit.  I spilled coffee all over my desk at work today and was frustrated to the point of cerebral hemorrhaging at the non-thirsty quality of the crap paper towels here.  They were paper alright, but there was nothing towel-like in their inability to absorb the approximately 3 ounces of coffee on my desk.  I used half a tree’s worth of paper pulp just for this stupid spill. 
Bounty would have done the job, damn skippy.  Sure, Bounty paper towels cost a little more than generic store brands.  But skimping on your paper towels is a false economy, because you have to use so many more.  I don’t know how they make Bounty paper towels so tough and absorbent.  Nanotechnology?  Ancient magicks?
Maybe they blend them with kitten intestines and coat them with ozone-depleting CFCs.  I don’t care.  They just work.
To my knowledge, Bounty is also superior to other brands like Scott’s or Brawny.  I have purchased Brawny — that lumber jack guy looks pretty tough  — but they are inferior.  That dude might shave with the edge of his axe, but he’s got nothing on Rosie the Waitress.  She’d have taken one Bounty sheet, sopped up my coffee, and served it back to me. 
You want this back in the cup or you just want to suck on the towel?

You want this back in the cup or you just want to suck on the towel?

So stop making a fool out of yourself in front of your family and house guests.  Buy Bounty paper towels.  That’s all I have to say on the matter.

Somebody’s Muse Needs An Ass-Kicking

Posted in Coffee on January 21, 2008 by darbydale


Every once in a while you are confronted with a piece of writing so breath-taking, so insightful, so well-constructed that you want to hug the character played by Alanis Morrissette in Dogma.

Here’s the headline: “Starbucks Great Place to Lose Your Coffee Virginity.”

The “article” is by Tim Moriarty, “columnist” for The News-Press in southwest FL. For all of us who take coffee and writing seriously, this is a slap in the face.  No this is not from The Onion.

16.9 Fluid Ounces

Posted in Coffee, Cold Beverages, Science on January 15, 2008 by darbydale

Up until now, I’ve felt a little intimidated by the requirement to actually have a point or theme in each post. Definitely a higher standard than I’m accustomed to holding myself to. With that in mind, I’m completely abandoning that requirement.

Currently, I’m basically sailing on the beneficial effects of 16.9 ounces of Red Bull. Like most people, I drink Red Bull for the promised effects of heightened productivity and the socially condoned high. My guess is that if the activity I was trying to be productive in was directing amateur porn videos, I could probably safely get by with the 8 ounce can.

Anyway, since I’m approaching a period that is going to require heightened productivity and extended periods of concentration, I’m once again wondering what the perfect combination of caffeinated beverages is for my situation.

In the past, I’ve generally gone with coffee with enough cream to avoid getting an ulcer and enough sugar to provide a light sweetness. This works until my average sleep per night drops down to around 5 hours. At that point, I start drinking Red Bulls at 4PM. For various reasons, it is very helpful for me to be sharp between 5PM-11PM and the Red Bulls are consumed with that in mind.

Anyway, I’m now beginning to wonder if there is a more effective way to handle this. Could I go to straight espresso and merely space the shots out through the day? Does the Diet Dr. Pepper I drink for hydration and maintaining my caffeine productivity high really make a difference?

These are the questions that vex me.

Coffee News

Posted in Coffee on January 8, 2008 by lindendale


Starbucks is replacing its chief executive with chairman, Howard D. Schultz. The full story is here in the New York Times.

McDonalds is putting pressure on ‘Bucks by adding coffee bars and baristas to some of its sites.  Will the McBehemoth squeeze out the little guy?  Will Darbydale’s neighborhood Starbucks ever be completed?!


What’s in my cup? Whole Foods 365 Pleasant Morning Buzz, half & half, a little sugar. Not freaking bad.

Two Poets, One Politico

Posted in Coffee, Politics on January 5, 2008 by lindendale

Ryan, Katie, and Barack Obama

On the New York Times online there is a great shot of my friends, Katie and Ryan, talking with Barack Obama in Dover, NH. Obama must have some coffee flowing through him, because there is little sleep in his life, yet he looks wide awake.

Cheers to Katie and Ryan. Ryan, whether he knows it or not, is a Dale City Knight (We pull from the surrounding communities).

I should note that Ryan and Katie are also the titular poets of Two Poet Truffles — purveyors of simply the finest truffles and caramels wrought by human hands. Check it out! Their hand-bound poetry journal The Concher comes with the sweets as well. I like to think of it as a boutique journal.  It’s not too late to get Volume 2.

Volume 1? I ate it.

Just build the damn Starbucks already.

Posted in Coffee on January 3, 2008 by darbydale

I get that they basically sell hot milk.  I get that in terms of specialty coffee roasters, they are probably in the middle of the pack.  I understand that there are over 13,000 of them including 10 within driving distance of my house.  But my life will  improve drastically if they’d just build the damn one they promised at the edge of my neighborhood.

I’ve driven by the same empty shell at the corner of a shopping plaza for months (Starbucks,  Coming Soon! my ass).  I’ve spoken to contractors who say it can be constructed in 6-8 weeks.  I’ve checked the shopping mall site plan to make sure they haven’t backed out of their lease.  Finally, after almost giving up, there is activity.  Today, there was definitely a plumbing contractor and a guy with a high tech laser measuring device.

If I’m not sipping a latte at a mega-chain coffeehouse located within walking distance of my personal residence in the next 3 months, I’m going to be pissed.  Until then, I’m making my own espresso at home like some kind of fucking savage.