If you don’t use this, you’re an idiot.

Do the right thing.

Do the right thing.

Bounty paper towels are the shit.  I spilled coffee all over my desk at work today and was frustrated to the point of cerebral hemorrhaging at the non-thirsty quality of the crap paper towels here.  They were paper alright, but there was nothing towel-like in their inability to absorb the approximately 3 ounces of coffee on my desk.  I used half a tree’s worth of paper pulp just for this stupid spill. 
Bounty would have done the job, damn skippy.  Sure, Bounty paper towels cost a little more than generic store brands.  But skimping on your paper towels is a false economy, because you have to use so many more.  I don’t know how they make Bounty paper towels so tough and absorbent.  Nanotechnology?  Ancient magicks?
Maybe they blend them with kitten intestines and coat them with ozone-depleting CFCs.  I don’t care.  They just work.
To my knowledge, Bounty is also superior to other brands like Scott’s or Brawny.  I have purchased Brawny — that lumber jack guy looks pretty tough  — but they are inferior.  That dude might shave with the edge of his axe, but he’s got nothing on Rosie the Waitress.  She’d have taken one Bounty sheet, sopped up my coffee, and served it back to me. 
You want this back in the cup or you just want to suck on the towel?

You want this back in the cup or you just want to suck on the towel?

So stop making a fool out of yourself in front of your family and house guests.  Buy Bounty paper towels.  That’s all I have to say on the matter.

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