I don’t think I’d enjoy hitting another human being in the face.  I mean, I’ve done it before and didn’t enjoy it.

Let me briefly recap my 4 fight career (record 1-2-1):

vs C.J. :  I was probably around 8 and prone to running my mouth at older kids.  This particular group of older kids enlisted another 8-year old to kick my ass.  I had a reach and weight advantage over him and repeatedly landed right hands to his face.  Unfortunately (or fortunately), when I realized I hurt him I just quit and went home crying (and announced to my Mom that I wanted to move).  Decision:  Draw

vs K.X.:  9 year old me wouldn’t shut the fuck up and got my ass kicked by a kid with expertise in some sort of Judo.  Thankfully, this mostly involved him throwing me around until it was clear that I wasn’t going to fight back  Decision:  Loss

vs E.M.:  Told an older kid to “shut up” because I was reading at our bus stop and was tired of hearing his inane chatter.  He had some form of martial arts training and kicked the shit out of me.  The was much scarier that the Judo ass-kicking because he seemed much more intent on hurting me.  I scrambled home and didn’t go to school that day.  Decision:  Loss

vs. C.B.:  12 years old.  I can’t fully explain the background of this one in any reasonable period of time, so I’ll just give a concise version.  He was a friend who seemed to delight in insulting or demeaning those around him.  Anyway, I decided at some point I’d had enough and after a particularly insulting comment, I just jumped on him.

C.B. alternated between fighting back and laughing maniacally.  He’d laugh a little bit and then I’d hit him hard enough that he’d fight back for a while.  Finally, I just pinned him down in one of those homoerotic UFC positions where the pinned guy is basically fucked.  Then I just couldn’t hit him any more.  It was clear to me that my anger with him had nothing to do with wanting to cause him physical pain.  So, I let him up, he called me a couple names and took off.  Decision:  Win (I guess).


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